stupid stupid stupid...

I am really hoping that maybe this is all some sort of PMS thing and not a mid life crisis.

So, soon I will be 40. OK, so I spent my 30s working my tail off, having a good time, learning and growing in experience. All good. But there is something about being female and turning 40. I have never had kids and I never want kids but isn't 40 the point of no return on that option? (without a lot of medical help or adoption).

And what about the other obvious "stuff" like a man at 40 looks fantastic meanwhile a woman at 40 looks fantastic with some ... help. I mean I hear jokes about men trading in for younger models and frankly, I wouldn't want to be with a man that is serious about that any way but it certainly does plant a seed. And it isn't a seed that bears a flower either.

What about the day of? If I want to stick my head in the sand now, what happens the day of? yuck.

And this "reevaluate everything" thing is completely awful. So as a result of a bad experience on a recent trip abroad I have questioned my community service organization. I really can't do that as I will be the president in a few years and that is an honorable commitment. It isn't my group that I have questioned either but a partner group who, IMHO have demonstrated a gross lack of integrity and responsibility thus turning me off to the organization a bit.

And then there is everything else you review, home, friends, etc.. I have a great home, great friends, great boyfriend but that little annoying self doubting voice just does a great job in diminishing it a bit.

What the hell is it about 40 that gets us so unglued??????????